The Watering Hole

AKA Grisanti's

• There was a cute little waitress at Grisanti's, about twenty years old, serving drinks and breaking the young men's hearts.
  
  At some point she disappeared for a week and then one night walked in wearing a short skirt and white leather boots. She sat down with a few of us junk mail regulars and filled us in. She had acquired the boots during a week long skiing vacation in Colorado. She and a male companion had had a very good time there and she was still quite excited about it all.
  
  Several days later a few of us were sitting around a table next to the bar, playing Liar's Poker or Yahtzee or some game that provoked lots of laughs and groans. In came our waitress with a young man, and she brought him to our table and introduced him as her boyfriend.
  
  Random Junk Mailer to Boyfriend: "So, you like skiing?"
  
  Boyfriend: "No."
  
  And while the rest of us were barely avoiding hernias due to the effort of not laughing . . .
  
  RJM: "You should try it. It's a lot of fun."
  
  
• Having set (and maintained, I am happy to say) standards, revised from time to time as I have aged, regarding the minimum age for any women with whom I might get involved, I acquired a few younger female friends at the junk mail company for which I worked. I don't know how they did it but they had somehow intuited that they were quite safe from me, and there were perhaps a half dozen on whom I could call if I was between girlfriends and needed a fourth (or even a second) for dinner or some circumstance. Later, Debbie acquired the habit of referring to them as "your harem" or "your concubines."
  
  One of these was a young woman named Jennifer and one Friday at work I spotted her from a distance. She was wearing a short black dress and looked good. I didn't get a chance to talk to her and didn't see her again for the rest of the work day. That evening, however . . .
  
  At Grisanti's the usual crowd from the company assembled, and at some point I saw Jennifer, who was *not* one of the regular crowd, standing at the bar and still wearing the black dress.
  
  An older man and woman were seated at the bar and she was standing between them and chatting with them. I grabbed my drink and walked over. I arrived just as the three of them finished some conversation.
  
  Donnie: "Jennifer, the next time I see you wearing that dress I'm going to bite you on the thigh."
  
  Jennifer: "Donnie, have you met my Mom and Dad?"
  
  In no time at all it was all over the bar: "Did you hear what Richards did?"